Becoming a Wise Counselor

Blog by Gem Fadling

As a spiritual director and soul care coach, I care very much about the process and journey of others. I deeply believe that God is the author and perfecter of a person’s faith—which means I am not.

I accompany others as they walk with God. There’s a huge conversation we could have about the paradigms and practices that flesh this out in my work. But today I’d like to share a little bit about this dynamic by focusing on a small verse from 1 Thessalonians.

“And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thess. 5:14)

It would be easy to simply gloss over this and ignore the relational nuances, or to turn it into some rigid formula for one’s inner control freak. Instead, I like to think of this verse as wise counsel for truly seeing others and responding in ways that might actually help them make their way.

We’ll simply take each phrase at face value as we move through the verse. 

• Warn those who are idle and disruptive
• Encourage the disheartened
• Help the weak
• Be patient with everyone

Each verb makes sense for the person being described, doesn’t it? 

• If someone is idle and disruptive, warning might ensure they make necessary changes.
• If someone is disheartened, encouragement is a great way to support them.
• If someone is weak, they might need actual help to make their way.

No one is arguing with this so far, right? These are rather logical ways to serve others. But if hurry is in our mix, we might not be able to recognize the difference between the idle and disruptive, the disheartened, or the weak.

We then might end up warning the weak or encouraging the disruptive. 

• The idle and disruptive are not brought to wisdom and good action by mere encouragement and help.
• The disheartened would be crushed by warning, and help only goes so far if they are truly downtrodden.
• The weak need more than encouragement, and they certainly don’t need warning.

See how this passage is true wisdom in love? It’s so good!

Here are two questions for us as leaders: 

• Am I the kind of person who takes the time to really see others and discern who they are and where they are coming from?
• Am I the kind of leader who would have the inner reserve to respond appropriately in love?

Unhurried leadership takes time for others. It’s so easy to get caught up in programs and tasks and lose sight of the actual hearts, dynamics, and lives of the people we serve.

A leader with the heart of a spiritual director would continue to believe deeply in the work of God in the life of the other. There would be honor and respect for the ongoing, God-initiated process. And there would be openness to the Spirit’s guidance for how best to respond in each circumstance.

Notice how the verse ends: “Be patient with everyone.” I’d like to think this includes myself. Yes, be patient with others, no matter their situation. But also be patient with myself while I continue to grow and learn as a person of influence. Patience is the unhurried spirit in which we approach all people.

Reflection 

Ponder these questions: 

• Am I the kind of person who takes the time to really see someone and discern who they are and where they are coming from?
• Am I the kind of leader who would have the inner reserve to respond appropriately in love?
• How am I growing in patience—with myself and with others?

May God help each one of us as we make the unhurried moves to see others, and to be patient with ourselves as we make our way.

Photo by call me hangry 🇫🇷 on Unsplash