Why Happiness ISN'T the Ultimate Goal

Blog by Gem Fadling

There is a word that often pops up in movies and TV shows. You’ve likely heard it dozens, if not hundreds of times. It’s a word that seems to have deep meaning for those who are speaking in the fictional setting, but for me, it just doesn’t carry the intended weight.

The word? Happy.

In a storyline, people often will speak it on behalf of a friend or loved one. “I just want them to be happy,” they say, as if happiness were the ultimate goal in life.

The online Cambridge Dictionary defines happy as “feeling, showing, or causing pleasure or satisfaction.” And of course there is nothing wrong with wanting others to be happy. I just wonder if it stops short of an ultimate hope.

I have found that happiness is fleeting. It’s not something I can count on. Moods, thoughts, feelings, circumstances, and so much more can topple the sensation of happiness like a toddler toppling a tower of building blocks. Happiness is a moving target. It comes and goes depending on our situation, and it is often based in our misplaced expectations.

You know I’m an optimist, so I’m not trying to be Debbie Downer. I simply don’t believe happiness can be a goal. Life is difficult, and most of us are riding two rails at once. On one hand we may be sailing along, and on the other we may be carrying a weighty trial. Mere happiness is not enough to sustain us in the good and bad days.

So, I’d like to offer two other words that might better express the depth of hope we have for ourselves and others.

The first word is joy, which is a more robust word than happiness. If happiness is fleeting, joy is strong, substantial, unmoving. I know this because Paul lists it second in the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. Joy is the fruit of something. Like the other fruits, it springs forth from the work of the Spirit within us.

Joy is not at the mercy of circumstance.

I recently watched the Jon Batiste and Suleika Jaouad documentary American Symphony. At its heart was the story of concurrent but opposite dynamics. Jon was composing a symphony, winning Grammys, traveling the world, and growing in admiration and fame at the same time as his wife, Suleika, was battling cancer and undergoing debilitating treatments.

They were living two extremes at once, and yet they portrayed a deep sense of joy at the center of their lives. It is in the depths of pain that the human spirit rises to the occasion and bursts forth in joy. Happiness isn’t strong enough to withstand the trials and suffering of cancer. Joy is deeper, stronger, and more mysterious.

The second word is contentment, and the story of the apostle Paul springs immediately to mind. Many of us are familiar with his words from Philippians:

“I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:10-13)

This passage says it all. Contentment isn’t dependent upon circumstances. Paul learned the hard way, which is really the only way truth becomes grace in our lives. Whether in need or in plenty, Paul learned contentment. This means he had to dig deeper into the life of the Spirit within, grounding himself in kingdom reality.

Joy and contentment are wise, solid, real, unbending, and unwavering graces. And we can partake of them freely as we continue to open to God’s transforming power in our lives.

So, sure, there’s nothing wrong with being happy. And I will likely use that word in the future. But I wanted to point out the loose way it gets used in the media. Happiness cannot be our ultimate goal, because life is too tumultuous, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. Joy and contentment are more helpful paths forward.

For Reflection:

• What do you think about the word happiness? How does it relate to joy and contentment for you?
• How have the difficult times in your life ultimately resulted in a deeper level of joy or contentment?
• What scripture inspires you to be more joyful or content?