Unlocking Wholeness: The Role of a Wise Guide in Your Spiritual Life

Blog by Gem Fadling

Alan and I often enjoy our local bike trails. It is so refreshing to move at bicycle pace with the wind in my face and the fragrance of eucalyptus trees in the air.

Recently we were biking past a young women’s softball game at a large park. In the distance, I could hear the coach yelling, “Go, go, go, go!” And then a few seconds later, he yelled, “Stop, stop!” His energy was quite dramatic.

As I continued pedaling, I thought about the benefit of having a coach who can see the whole field and the other players. The batter is concentrating on their hit and then running as fast as they can. They can only see so much on their way to first base. The coach not only has a wider vantage point, but hopefully has greater experience as well. Listening to the coach’s GOs and STOPs can be very helpful for the entire team.

I am a trained spiritual director and a certified life coach, so I have never once yelled at one of my clients to “Go!” or “Stop!” Spiritual directors and coaches are not meant to be so obvious and directive. However, they do have experience in holding sacred space and asking powerful questions. This ensures that you might notice, discern, and respond to the GOs and STOPs in your own life.

James 5:16 says, “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed” (The Message). The context of this verse is about being prayed for in various circumstances. So I think it’s not too far of a stretch to talk about this in the context of having a wise co-discerner in your life.

Confessing our sins is important, and this verse makes a very clear promise about that: wholeness and health. We can add to this the idea of speaking out loud the many and various dynamics we have in our lives. Confessing can be broadened beyond sins to thoughts, feelings, relationships, weaknesses, and more.

Verbalizing, rather than keeping everything bottled up inside, can lead to healing and wholeness. This is a gift. God did not mean for us to be alone, especially in our struggles. Having a trusted guide allows us to bring ourselves out of the shadows and into the light.

I have made the decision that I will have a spiritual director for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want to place myself in front of a trained and wise listener—someone who can hold sacred space with me. I get to process my life out loud as someone asks questions and shares prompts to help me connect with God along the way.

God speaks to us in and through the circumstances of our lives. A wise guide can ask: 

• How is God INVITING you to respond?
• How might God be FORMING you in this?
• How is GOD AT WORK in this?
• How might you DISCERN GOD’S DESIRE for you in this?
• What ASPECT OF GOD do you need/desire in this?
• What do you WANT GOD TO DO for you?

Of course, we can ask ourselves these questions. These would be great during a time of personal reflection. But it is still important to have others join us on the journey because we don’t always hear or interpret what is going on correctly. We need outside wise voices to help us discern what’s next.

Who is it that you’re meeting with to hold space for you so that you can gain the vantage point of a wider view? Christian leaders, now more than ever, need safe space and support to bear up under the rigors of life.

Here are a few ideas of the kinds of support you might need:

• Spiritual friend
• Pastor
• Spiritual director
• Therapist
• Life coach
• Mentor

I am not ashamed to say that I believe everyone should have a spiritual director. To be accompanied like this is one of life’s greatest gifts. Sacred space, holy listening, co-discerning, non-pressured care. It’s a beautiful thing.

But if you can’t find or afford a spiritual director, therapist, or life coach, you might be able to find a spiritual friend, pastor, or mentor. Any one of these can journey with you in ways you feel a need for.

The least expensive (free) and maybe most easily accessible step is to find yourself a spiritual or soul friend. Spiritual friendship, in my experience, is when two people agree together that they will meet for the purpose of caring and listening in a non-judgmental, non-fixing way.

A soul friend doesn’t need to be an expert, and they don’t need to have answers. What is most important is that they are trustworthy and are willing to be with you in whatever it is you want to share. And then you can return the favor by holding space for them.

I have a handful of wise women in my life who hold my heart gently and beautifully. It is one of the greatest gifts in my life.

I pray that you will find someone to share your deepest heart with. Men and women alike need someone in their lives with whom they can share their greatest joys and their deepest struggles.

May God guide you to your own wise guide or spiritual friend, and may you find the freedom and grace that lies within this gift.

Reflection 

• Spend some time with one of the six bulleted questions above. Choose one to ponder, pray, and journal. Notice what emerges.
• Of the six types of wise guides I listed, which one do you most feel the need for? How might you connect with the support you need?
• Spend some time with God in prayer, letting him know of your desire for a trusted, wise guide.