The Simple Truth About Your Identity

Blog by Gem Fadling

“Your identity is a gift to be received, not a paycheck to be earned.” I (Gem) love this profound insight that echoes throughout Alan’s writings. This insight resonates with a truth we often overlook. It captures the essence of grace—a grace that defines our existence not by what we achieve, but by who we are as God’s beloved.

Our lives are gifts, and yet how often do we find ourselves caught in the trap of earning mode? We measure our worth by what we do, by how much we accomplish, and by the approval we receive from others. This striving can become exhausting, leaving us empty and disconnected from the truth that our identity is not something to be earned but something to be received and embraced.

The Trap of Earning 

Consider these invasive thoughts: 

I must do more to be more. 

I must impress others to be valued. 

Striving is the only way to get what I need.

I must prove to God that I am worthy.

Any one of these beliefs might be ingrained in us from a young age. Our culture equates worth with productivity. But what if we dared to step off this treadmill of endless striving? What if we embraced the truth that our identity does not depend on what we do but on who we are in Christ?

The reality is this: You do not earn being loved. You are not measured by your productivity. Your identity is a gift, and your value is unchanging. This is the essence of grace—unconditional love, freely given by a heavenly Parent who loves you just as you are.

What Holds You Back? 

Many of us still struggle to fully believe and live from this place of love. What keeps you from embracing this reality? What stops you from living out of your true belovedness, where your worth is grounded in God’s love and not in your accomplishments?

Past experiences can make embracing this kingdom reality very difficult. A good question to ask is this: What might it take for me to break free from past ingrained beliefs and into the spacious and gracious place of unearned love?

A Simple Story 

Many years ago, I engaged a teachable moment with one of my young sons. During an ongoing conversation, I asked him a question to see if he understood the truth about my love for him. I inquired, “Do I love you because you are smart and handsome?” Without hesitation, he said, “No.” I was curious to learn why he knew I loved him. So, I asked. He responded with a truth so simple and yet so profound: “Because I’m your son.”

He was right. I love him because he is mine. And, of course, my mama heart was glad he knew my love was not dependent on anything external. He didn’t have to earn my love. I love him because he exists, because he is a gift from God, and because he’s my son.

This interaction led me to reflect: How could you not love something that came from your very self? Immediately, I thought of my relationship with God. If I, with all my imperfections, can love my child unconditionally simply because he is mine, how much more does God, who is perfect love, love me because I came from Him? I am made in God’s image, and that is everything.

I am loved because I am his.

Here are three ideas to help you move toward embracing your true belovedness:

1. Practice receiving God’s love. Begin with a simple prayer similar to my son’s response: “God, you love me because I am yours. I receive your love right now. Thank you!” This is not manifesting or wishful thinking. You are simply stating out loud what is true. You may not feel it at first, but hearing this truth in your own voice helps you internalize it. Over time, this practice can begin to reshape how you see yourself, grounding your identity in God’s love rather than in your achievements.
   
   
2. Sit in love. I learned this practice from my friend Mary. I sit in my office easy chair. I put my feet up on the ottoman and I allow the full weight of my body to rest completely on the chair. I then imagine that I’m being held by my loving God. Deuteronomy 33:27 says, “The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms.” I simply enter into this reality. The experience of my body can lead my heart to the reality of being loved without striving.
   
   
3. Take time to reflect on where your sense of identity comes from. Are you living from a place of striving or from a place of resting in God’s grace? Journaling can be a helpful tool here. Ponder this question and then jot down the thoughts and feelings that drive your actions. Open to the idea of receiving God’s love right in the center of where you are.

Reflection 

• Try on at least one of the ideas listed above.
• Choose the one that leaps out at you and make space, even now.
• What difference might this make in your life today?

Blessings to you as you make your way forward.