The Power of Raw and Authentic Prayer

Blog by Gem Fadling

Long gone are the days when I have the energy to put on any pretense when I talk with God. This has been a welcome and freeing change in my prayer life.

At this point in my journey, it is much more life-giving to simply declare the way things are, rather than trying to tidy up my mess and present it in a nice, neat package.

If I’m mad, sad, joyous, or frustrated, God already knows, and so I am free to express what is…and meet God right in the middle of it.

Over the decades I have steadily made my way to more open and honest prayer. I know and rely on God’s love as it’s declared in Isaiah 30:18—“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.”

Once when I was early in my midlife undoing, I entered a season of regret that culminated in anger. Expectations and assumptions about how life works were unraveling around me, and all I could do was fume. I would lock myself in my bedroom and pace the floor, uttering my prayers through gritted teeth.

It was during this time that my understanding of God’s immense love expanded. I trusted with my entire being that no matter what I was feeling or thinking, God was holding me as I flailed. I knew God was big enough and strong enough to be patient with me as I made my way through that experience.

The gracious image God granted me—yes, right in the middle of my fuming—was that he was holding me in the palm of his giant, loving, capable hand. Even though my most accessible feelings were frustration and anger, way deep down inside was an assurance that I was not alone and that God was, in fact, walking with me through it.

Some people may think this is wrong. Their arguments may sound something like this: How can you show your anger to God? Where’s your respect? Having doubts is not okay, and expressing them is even worse! He is the King of the Universe, you know!

And yet all I have to do is open the Psalms to see that this is misguided thinking. The psalmists were unafraid to share all their emotions with God in prayer.

The writer of Psalm 13 cries out, “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (vv. 1-2).

In Psalm 44 the psalmist demands, “Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression? We are brought down to the dust; our bodies cling to the ground” (Psalm 44:23-25).

Of course, I’m not saying we should wallow in anger or doubt. With time and support, we can move through it. But while it is occurring, it doesn’t do any good to deny our situation.

It is best not to be angry for anger’s sake or to allow bitterness to grow. But acknowledging and feeling our emotions helps us move through them. And doing this with God is a part of life.

Many of the Psalms allow for the full expression of emotions, and if we follow them all the way through, we ultimately see trust in God emerge. The psalmists don’t leave themselves in the anger or sadness, but they acknowledge and move through it.

Only a few verses later in Psalm 13 we read, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me” (vv. 5-6).

And the very next verse of Psalm 44 says, “Rise up and help us; rescue us because of your unfailing love” (v. 26). Underneath these honest proclamations of frustration, the psalmists still trust in and declare God’s love.

We can follow their example by allowing ourselves to acknowledge what God already sees. This enables our freedom.

The trick is not to rush through this. The psalmists may shift from lament to trust within a matter of a few verses, but in our day to day lives that movement may take days, weeks, months, or even longer. Grief has no timetable. Healing from years of hurt takes time.

Don’t see this as permission to wallow unnecessarily. Rather, see it as permission to acknowledge, feel, and move through your emotions and experiences so that they won’t express themselves in ways that are truly unhelpful to you or those around you. It is good when we allow enough time to pass for this to take root.

As Trevor Hudson was about to reenter the pastorate, Gordon Cosby spoke these words to him: “Whenever you teach, whenever you preach, whenever you pastor, don’t ever forget: Every person in your church sits next to their own pool of tears.” It was a timely reminder to Trevor that when he looks out on his congregation, he can acknowledge that everyone is in their own place of suffering.

Pray from where you are, not from where you think you should be. Pray from inside your feelings. Pray honestly. There’s no reason to hide or sugarcoat anything. Reality is your best friend. Meet God there. His love will hold you, and he will walk with you as you make your way toward healing.

“Pray as you can, not as you can’t.” (Abbot John Chapman)

 For Reflection: 

• What does your own “pool of tears” feel like these days?
• Is there anger hidden in your heart somewhere? Have you locked it up, hoping it will dissipate on its own?
• Wherever you find your heart today, meet God there. Say what you want to say and leave it at the feet of Jesus.
• The loving Trinity can hold you and longs to show you compassion as you make your way.