Notice, Discern, Respond: A Three-Step Process to Reframe Your Thoughts

Blog by Gem Fadling

Notice, discern, respond (NDR). Alan first introduced those three simple words in An Unhurried Leader and I further unpacked them in my book Hold That Thought.

While you can learn more about NDR in Hold That Thought, I’d like to simply walk you through the process today. Once you get the hang of NDR, it can become a good friend that helps you redirect your thinking. You can refer to this at any time to make some headway with a few of your most prominent unhelpful thoughts.

Let’s begin with NOTICE.

NOTICE

It’s important to begin with the practice of noticing. Become aware of the voices in your head. Don’t judge them or hide them. Simply notice and acknowledge them.

This is about bringing these voices into the light and not letting our thoughts remain unconscious or unquestioned. Don’t be afraid to look within. Fear keeps us trapped, so try to become curious about yourself and your thoughts.

Ponder for a moment… Try to capture one unhelpful thought that comes up for you often and write it down.

Examples might be:

• Why can’t I get this right?
• If only they would change, things would be all better.
• I will feel okay once I get everything checked off my to-do list.
•  So many things could go wrong. I can’t lose control.
•  My opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t want to put myself out there.

You can borrow one of these or come up with your own. Whatever you choose, simply write it down.

Now, under that sentence, write two or three more unhelpful statements that often accompany your first thought. I’ve noticed that unhelpful thoughts like to come in clusters.

When you are ready, circle the one thought you would like to work with right now.

Once you have circled your chosen thought, let’s move on to DISCERN.

DISCERN

Discerning is about becoming more curious. Openness and honesty help here so that you can uncover what’s going on. Discernment is the key to becoming wiser and more confident. It is also the precursor to more healthy responses. Some thoughts will shift easily and others will require more time. Either way, you can move toward responding.

• Look at the unhelpful thought you circled.
• Reflect on the following questions as you continue journaling. Take your time. Pause as you linger over each question…
  • How have I come to rely on this thought?
  • What is it costing me to let this thought run the show?
  • What is making it difficult for me to let go of this thought?
  • What is the benefit of shifting to a more helpful thought?

Once you have journaled your initial responses to these questions, look back over your answers. Make some notes in the margins. What do you notice? What is the most helpful here? Do you see any patterns?

When you are ready, let’s move to RESPOND.

RESPOND

Once you have spent time discerning your thought, you can respond by coming up with a new, more helpful thought.

Rather than reacting, you can move through notice and discern into respond. Process matters in this case, especially if you want to make lasting change. In the work of changing your thought, consider a reframe and the helpful shift you would like to make. This may happen quickly or, depending on how deeply this thought is anchored within, it may take awhile. Either way, simply take the next step and keep going until you are engaging a new healthy pattern.

Look again at the first unhelpful thought you circled.

Now that you have spent a little time in discernment, see if you can come up with a new, more helpful thought.

Remember, this is a practice moment, not a perfection moment. Simply come up with a good first draft of a new thought. It can be edited and you can always add more thoughts later.

Write down a new, more helpful thought that might replace your first unhelpful thought.

Here are some samples based on the unhelpful thoughts I listed for you earlier:

• Why can’t I get this right? Might become…
  • So, I didn’t get it right the first time. Condemning myself isn’t helping me right now. It’s actually okay to keep trying until I improve. I am going to give myself the grace to try again.
• If only they would change, things would be all better. Might become…
  • I can learn to not give all the power to others. My well-being doesn’t rest on other people’s behavior.

I hope you hear my heart here. I’m not talking about a Pollyanna way of thinking. We are simply taking unhelpful thoughts and turning them on their head. I know it’s not that easy to make the shift. This will take time.

This is about telling ourselves the truth. Critical, shaming, or numbing thoughts do not help us mature the way we desire. We are simply becoming more aware of our thoughts so that they don’t run the show and keep us from engaging life the way we want to.

And remember, thought work is simply one part of a holistic approach to healing and wholeness. We don’t simply wrangle our thoughts on the road to change. We also work with our emotions, our body, our nervous system, our past traumas, and more.

NDR is just one more tool you can use to work with your inner life as God grows, matures, and heals you.

The practice of NDR is all throughout my book Hold That Thought. I hope you’ll pick up a copy and lean into your thoughts under the guidance of our loving Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

For Reflection: 

• I encourage you to set aside 15 minutes right now or later this week so you can engage this practice.
• Give yourself the gift of learning to notice, discern, and respond to your thoughts with grace and agency.

Remember, you’re making your way forward one small, simple, and gracious step at a time.