Little Virtues, Big Peace: Rediscovering Humility and Gentleness

Blog by Alan Fadling

Having written a book about anxiety, I’ve seen a lot of promises about how to solve it. A life hack here. Six easy steps there. But my own experience with anxiety has been anything but easy. In this post, I’ll share some of the more unexpected pathways to peace I’ve discovered in my journey.

As I’ve been talking more and more about A Non-Anxious Life, a couple chapters have been initially puzzling to at least a few interviewers. In these chapters, I suggest that the path of deeper peace might well invite us into the territory of humility, gentleness, patience, dependence, and even surrender. I’m guessing that these are not the pathways to a non-anxious life that initially come to mind for you either. Imagining what these pathways would look like in practical terms might even raise our anxieties.

In our search to overcome anxiety and find peace, we might look for ways to reduce trouble in our lives. If we’re able to do that, it might just help, but some troubles seem beyond our power to change. Or we may try to reduce conflict in our work or personal relationships, and again, if we are able to do that, it helps. Too often, however, conflict comes our way unexpected and uninvited.

But what if our most reliable source of peace has nothing to do with changing what is happening around us but changing something that is happening in us. When Jesus says that he is giving us his peace—a peace that’s different from what the world is offering—I believe this inner transformation is part of what he means.

In my book, I highlight the goodness of what have been called the “little virtues”:

“Our instinct is often to seek impressive virtues, exciting virtues, even heroic virtues. What if those virtues that are held in highest regard in the kingdom of God are actually humility and gentleness, among others? This is what we hear in the invitation of Jesus who describes himself as gentle and humble in heart (Matthew 11:29). Practicing these simple virtues right-sizes my life.

“Pursuing these little virtues will not lead to a small life. The little virtues are the way of Jesus, and so they are the way of growth in the glory and the power of God’s kingdom. Peace grows well in the soil of these simple virtues.” (A Non-Anxious Life, p. 69)

Our assumption that everything in our lives must be big and exciting and heroic does not actually add to but more often diminishes our peace.

So, the first of these little virtues that is a familiar friend of peace is…

Humility

Our contemporary North American culture is far more likely to promote pride as a virtue over humility. Pride is seen as empowering. Humility is seen as devaluing. But the pressure to make a name for ourselves through self-promotion does not play well with peace. The pressure to maintain a certain appearance for others leaves peace in the dust.

And the idea that my value is something I have to keep proving or keep earning day after day does not lean in the direction of peace.

Humility is not a devaluing of ourselves. It is letting go of the attempt to create self-generated value. Our true value has been given to us by God. Humility is a receptive and peaceful posture of embracing the value we are given. It’s a relief, actually, not to think about ourselves as often as we’re tempted to do.

So, when it comes to finding a way of peace in our lives, we need to let humility replace pride. Pride assumes that the path to peace is getting my way at all times, but isn’t it possible that Jesus knows the way to peace better than I do?

A second little virtue that plays well with peace is…

Gentleness

Gentleness is another unexpected companion of peace. In one of the few places that Jesus describes himself and his way, he says, “I am gentle and humble in heart” (Matt. 11:29). Is that our vision of him? Or is our vision of Jesus more demanding? How do we imagine a Prince of Peace who is other than gentle and humble? Does a Prince of Peace who is rough and mean make any sense?

One of the practical ways I’ve discovered the companionship of gentleness and peace is in how I treat myself. I’ve had a tendency in my spiritual journey to be rather harsh with myself in the belief that this would lead to better behavior on my part. I imagined that being hard on myself was the path to goodness.

But we’re told that God’s way of leading us to repentance is the way of kindness. It is God’s gentle way that inspires lasting change. Harshness may provoke a moment or even a season of change. But it also hardens something in us that then remains unchanged. Love transforms our inner posture, and this is what leads to lasting change and, in fact, to inner peace.

So, when it comes to discovering a more non-anxious way of living, I need to replace ruthlessness with gentleness. Ruthlessness assumes that the way to peace means treating others as obstacles to be harshly opposed. It really isn’t though.

In a couple of weeks, I’ll share three more unexpected companions of peace.

For Reflection:

• Consider the idea that the most reliable source of peace comes from changing something within ourselves rather than changing external circumstances. How does this perspective challenge your own practical approach to seeking peace these days?
• How might prioritizing little virtues like humility and gentleness contribute to a more non-anxious way of life for you in this season you find yourself in?