A Person's Got to Know Their Limitations

Blog by Gem Fadling

In one of my recent coaching groups, we spent time learning how to craft a rhythm of life. Margaret Guenther, the author of Holy Listening, likens a rule of life to a trellis. A trellis is generally planted alongside a climbing vine or plant so that, as the branches grow, they might attach on their way up a fence or wall. Without a trellis, a vine would be a gnarled group of stems curled up on the ground.

When it comes to crafting a rhythm of life, Ruth Haley Barton, in her book Sacred Rhythms, inquires, “How do I want to live so I can be who I want to be?” Tucked within this question is the assumption that choices need to be made. I will have to say yes to some things and no to others. In our group’s discussion, the idea of limitations arose.

We typically think of limitations as bad things that hold us back or press us down. We don’t like seeing ourselves as limited; however, as we mature, we come to realize limits and boundaries are necessary gifts. We wake up to the fact that we cannot do everything or be everything for everyone. Limitations can be a doorway to making more discerning decisions. Yes, I can do this. No, I cannot do that.

In her book The Fruits of the Spirit, Evelyn Underhill says, “A good gardener always has an idea of what he is trying to grow; without vision even a cabbage patch will perish.” And so we are invited to make choices about how we live, which includes what we do and do not do.

Let's explore that gardening image a bit further. If you decided to plant a garden in your backyard, you wouldn’t simply begin to dig random holes throughout the space. If you didn’t hire a landscape architect, you would need to do some research to find out what grows in your region, what tools you need, and what amounts of sunlight and water might be required. All of these would establish the limits for discerning what to plant and how to care for it.

Or let’s consider how this applies in the arts. Artists limit themselves by choosing a particular medium to work in. A painter chooses whether to work in oils or watercolors or acrylics, which colors to use, and the size of the canvas. A sculptor decides whether to use granite or marble, as well as the dimensions for the finished sculpture, which will determine the size of the slab they need to start with.

These are all examples of limits. And within such limits creativity can flourish.

Many of us have plans for daily time with God, and of course this is good for our souls. I’d also like you to ponder for a moment if there are ways to expand on this and to build into your life weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly practices. What kind of person do you want to be? What would it take to become such a person? Certainly, this cannot be left to chance. Nor can the questions be ignored with the excuse “I don’t have enough time for all that.”

If you started to feel overwhelmed by considering daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly practices, let’s roll it back for a moment. You don’t begin by tackling all of that at once.

Let’s explore a very simple way to start down the path of a refreshed rhythm of life.

I highly recommend you begin with practices and activities you enjoy. Remember, we are creating a trellis on which our life-plant can grow. This is an organic process and can be entered into with grace.

Ask yourself a few questions and give yourself time to come up with a list of 10-15 items.

• What feels life-giving to me?
• What brings me joy?
• What enables me to rest?

Once you’ve made your list, circle your top two. These are two holy yeses. Take these two and calendar them. Guard these dates like doctor’s appointments. Then engage with joy on that day.

I hope you’ll agree that this is a fairly simple process. A rhythm of life would continue to build on this idea. Begin with practices that bring life (e.g., listening to worship music, scripture reading, walks in nature, gardening, reading good books, sitting in silence, dancing to loud music).

Life-giving practices are gifts from God, and I believe they are planted deep within us as desires and invitations to enjoy God’s presence in all its various forms.

A rhythm of life is a way of setting limits and making plans so that you become who you were made to be. It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you are in any form of anxiety, tiredness, or exhaustion, what are you waiting for?

Building and engaging a rhythm of life is a big part of our PACE cohort training process. You can go to www.unhurriedliving.com/pace to learn more and consider joining a future cohort.

Engage in what brings you life and connect with God through that.

It’s good and right to care for your own soul even as you seek to care for others. I pray that you will be inspired like a gardener, painter, or sculptor to create beauty in the form of your own cultivated life with God.

For Reflection:

 Return to the invitation I posed earlier and ask yourself:

•  What feels life-giving to me?
• What brings me joy?
• What enables me to rest?

Once you’ve made your list of 10–15 items, circle your top two. These are your holy yeses. Take these two and calendar them. Guard these dates like doctor’s appointments. Then engage with joy on that day.