Focus vs. Distraction: Unpacking the Mary & Martha Story

Blog by Gem Fadling

In the retelling of the Mary and Martha story, many people inadvertently pit these sisters against each other. We are forced to make a choice: “I’m a Mary” or (as I more regularly hear) “I’m a Martha.” As though these women were tropes or types on a personality test.

This is unfortunate, because then we are drawn to take sides. Our own identity becomes wrapped up in defending one woman or the other.

Before I unpack this further, I’ll give you the spoiler: This story isn’t about busy people and lazy people. We are ALL invited to follow the example of Mary and focus on the one thing of Jesus.

To make our way forward, it might be easier if we replaced Mary and Martha with focus and distraction.

Martha is the depiction of distraction in this story. She is preoccupied with something that is, in fact, important: feeding the people in her home. But Mary chooses to focus on what is truly important, and Jesus explicitly points this out.

Have you ever noticed how even important things can sometimes become distractions?

Martha is also deeply concerned about how it will look to others if Mary sits in a room full of men. This was simply not done in first-century Jewish culture. Martha has a genuine concern about Mary’s reputation as a woman sitting at the feet of Jesus in the posture of a disciple.

Even if Martha’s concern was warranted, Jesus turns the situation into a teaching moment for them and for us.

Here’s the whole story from Luke 10:38-42:

 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In his book Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes, Kenneth Bailey suggests the meaning of Jesus’s words to Martha:

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things. I understand the entire list. One thing is needed. What is missing is not one more plate of food but rather for you to understand that I am providing the meal and that your sister has already chosen the good portion. I will not allow you to take it from her. A good student is more important to me than a good meal.” [i]

So, again, this is not about Type A and Type B personalities, with the need to defend oneself by asserting that “someone needs to get all the things done.” Jesus is saying there is only one thing needed and Mary has chosen it—sitting at the feet of Jesus as a disciple, as an apprentice, as one being taught.

I’ve thought a lot about Mary and Martha, and I have a deep desire to experience them as more than a punchline about the need to get things done.

What if we stopped categorizing ourselves as a Martha or a Mary depending on whether we’re a busy bee or a quiet contemplative?

That is not the central conversation here. Jesus says to Martha:

 “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The passage also says that Martha was distracted. Add to that the dynamics of worried and upset and you have a mini perfect storm of overwhelm or unhealthy hurry.

This is the central conversation. Whether you like to be busy and do a lot of things is not what this is about. Dallas Willard, who famously counseled us to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry from our lives,” also said, “You have never seen people more active than those who have been set on fire by the grace of God.”[ii]

Contemplation and action make wonderful sisters. This is the seedbed of Unhurried Living’s tagline: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

The real question is this: Are you distracted, worried, and upset about many things? That’s where we want to pay attention—not on whether we are an introvert or an extrovert, or a busy bee or someone who is slow and steady.

Mary and Martha are not memes. They are not personality types. They are not even adversaries. They are sisters. I’d like to imagine that, at their best, both Mary and Martha were good at offering hospitality as well as listening to Jesus. I prefer not to relegate them to two dimensions.

The gift for us here is we get to decide what is central, our one thing. Jesus makes it clear in this story that “few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

You also get to decide what distracts you. Sometimes, even important things can become distractions that lead to worry. This is something you can discern in prayer or even with your spiritual director, pastor, or coach.

I believe with all my heart that this world needs leaders who are focused, centered, undistracted, loving, and overflowing with the fruit of the Spirit.

I know you are on this journey already, and I encourage you to keep contending for the good, beautiful, and true with Jesus, our Good Shepherd, as your guide.

For Reflection: 

• What are some common distractions in your life these days? What can you do to mitigate or reduce these?
• What practices or ways of being do you have in place currently to keep Jesus as the one thing in your life? What else might you add to your list?
• What good, beautiful, or true activity might you engage today?