From Pain to Compassion: How I Found Empathy in Suffering

Blog by Gem Fadling

Here is an uncomfortable truth: You can’t grow in wisdom and maturity unless you traverse difficult circumstances.

I’ve wrestled with this on and off over the course of my life. I have asked “why” more times than I can count. Why must I suffer? Why do I experience trials? Why can’t I grow simply by cognitively understanding the situation?

I’m not claiming to have the answers to these questions, but I can share some of my musings on them.

One notable trait has emerged as a result of my difficulties: compassion.

The tectonic plates of pain shifted dramatically for me when I suffered a disc extrusion in my lower back many years ago. Nerve pain is beyond any pain I ever imagined. I had no idea such agony existed. Up to that point, the worst physical pain I ever experienced had been recovering from cesarean sections. But nerve pain is another animal altogether.

My eyes opened to the amount of pain that could be experienced by people. If this is happening to me, I thought, then that means it’s happening to other people around the world. Compassion surged from this realization, and it moved to the center of how I understand and hold space for others. My heart expanded.

How else could such compassion—and its companion, empathy—awaken in me if I had not experienced pain myself? A cognitive understanding of suffering doesn’t automatically lead to empathy.

I suppose experiencing that kind of pain can lead a person to bitterness rather than empathy. But guided by the Holy Spirit, I expanded within and bitterness did not emerge. I was able to see at a deeper level that people are suffering in so many ways—not just physically, but emotionally and relationally.

Suffering is a dynamic for most of us. Life invariably offers up challenging and even devastating seasons. We can fight against this, or we can learn to receive pain and suffering over the span of our lives as an important part of maturing. We can grow in empathy and compassion for others even as we endure our own hardships.

And yet, even as I type this, a familiar voice rises within me asking, Why?

I could get stuck on this question forever. I don’t know why. I just know this is how the world is set up. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, the apostle Paul shows his acceptance of this process. He speaks about troubles matter-of-factly and says that comfort from all directions can arise from within these sufferings.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”

Receiving God’s comfort and sharing that comfort freely with those around us is an important part of our connection with one another.

Do not shy away from your own pruning or trials. Don’t be afraid to face them and move through them. Yes, this is messy and not fun in any way. And yet we can learn to receive God’s comfort in the midst of pain. This makes us more empathetic and compassionate toward others. It opens up a new place inside of us where we can hold the suffering of others and care more about them.

For Reflection: 

• How have your painful circumstances moved you to greater compassion?
• If you are in the middle of a trial right now, how might you meet the God of all comfort?
• Wherever you find yourself, bring yourself to God. God sees you as you are and receives you as such.