Creating Space for Grace: The Power of Saying No and Yes on Retreat

Blog by Alan Fadling

Today’s blog post continues some thoughts I shared two weeks ago entitled, Unplugged in Big Sur and looks at HOW I plan for retreat.

Rather than hoping that I’ll have time for a retreat, I calendar my retreats about a year in advance. If I waited to schedule a retreat until only weeks before, generally my calendar would already be filled.

I’ve learned that it’s better to calendar my priorities than to prioritize my calendar. Do you feel the difference? When I prioritize my calendar, I may just be reorganizing all the stuff that has happened to land there, for whatever reason and from whatever source. When I calendar my priorities, I make time and space for the important and valuable opportunities that might not end up on my calendar otherwise. Too many of my priorities don’t end up in my schedule if I am not intentional about them well in advance.

I planned nearly a year in advance for my eight-day retreat in Big Sur. Then, as the date drew closer, I was able to put other important engagements elsewhere in my calendar. I wasn’t going to just happen to find a week to get away. And the hermitage is in enough demand that I wouldn’t have found open space there if I had waited to schedule my retreat.

As I prepare for a retreat, I find something Jesus said particularly helpful: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No’” (Matt. 5:37 WEB). I ask myself a couple of questions in my planning:

• What will I say a gracious and firm “No” to during my retreat?
• What will I say a hearty and grateful “Yes” to during my retreat?

I generally say “No” to internet connectivity during these extended retreats. I let people know I won’t be available in that window. I have someone else keep an eye on things while I’m away. I sometimes say “No” to eating everything I might usually eat. That is to say, I practice some form of fast. I may say “No” to certain kinds of recreational reading or to watching programs on television or streaming services. (None of these were available to me at New Camaldoli anyway.)

My “No” is a way of making space for the grace God wants to give me and the “Yes” I want to say to his generosity.

I’ve often said “Yes” on retreat to being active daily, taking a walk or engaging in some form of exercise. I’ve said “Yes” to reading a spiritual book that I want to sink into and learn from, or to moments of simple and silent listening. The main “Yes” I offer is my attentiveness to God with me.

On day five of my eight-day retreat, I set aside the morning between breakfast and lunch to sit on my hermitage porch alone and quiet with God. For hours, I looked out at the ocean that filled my horizon. I listened for the sounds of creation and the content of my mind and heart. And I began to notice the other creatures who were with me in that moment.

I noticed a bunny that had hopped into view. My hermitage was nestled in a rather wild space. The bunny appeared to be looking for some breakfast. As I was still, he stayed put, nibbling at the weeds that grew below me. He seemed to chew forever. Sometimes he sat perfectly still as though trying not to be seen. Maybe it was because he was a monastery bunny, but he was clearly quite good at the practice of retreat.

• He was comfortable with solitude.
• He had no problem being silent.
• He was quite still.
• The sameness of the situation didn’t seem to bother him.
• He was observing a posture of stability. He stayed put.
• And simplicity seemed natural for him.

I spent about an hour watching that bunny enjoy his breakfast. When do I ever have time or opportunity to do something like that? You might even ask why I would bother doing something like that. But this is the sort of thing artists and creatives do. It’s how they come to see the world with greater clarity so that they can express what they’ve seen through good words, music, images, or artifacts.

Maybe you don’t think of yourself as a creative person. Maybe you think that sort of creativity is impractical. But what difference might it make if you had more creativity in your life, in your friendships, in your vocation? What if you had fresh vision for the work God’s given you? Wouldn’t that make a difference?

I’ve often said that my best ideas have nearly always come in retreat or out of retreat. The same is true in finding creative solutions to problems I have faced. In retreat, I’ve been able to gain a clearer vision of where I believe God is leading me and of the work I believe God is giving me to do.

I’ll share one more post about my retreat in a couple of weeks.

For Reflection:

• How have you (or might you) prioritize time for spiritual retreat? How might calendaring priorities rather than rearranging the calendar impact your ability to make space for what truly matters to God (and to you)?