Many years ago, on a typical summer day, Alan arrived home from work. As was his habit, he came to me for a welcome home hug.
Our oldest son, then just three-years-old, came running up to us yelling, “Wait! I want to be in your love!”
He then proceeded to squeeze in between us as we embraced, creating a hug sandwich, with him as the filling. I will never forget that moment…or that phrase…I want to be in your love.
Over the years I have grown tired of my own inner dialogue…whether or not I am doing the right things, being the right things, saying the right things, accomplishing the right things. Not simply in regard to my outer, work life, but also my inner, spiritual life. I have worn myself out with shoulds and ought to’s.
I think this is highlighted by the reality of decision fatigue. There are just so many options in our lives. I was recently shopping for toothpaste and found myself completely perturbed that I had to decide between whitening, cavity protection, sensitive, deep action, and repair & protect. Too many options. I just want to brush my teeth!
What my heart truly seeks is peace. What it truly seeks is love.
Most recently I have found myself in a place where, at a new level, the old hat tricks of my personality are not working anymore. I’m going down another layer beneath my persona and I find myself simply searching for hope and love.
My simple sighing prayer is, “I just want to be in Your love.”
How about you? Underneath the clamor of your own mind and the droning on of decisions awaiting us down every grocery aisle—what is your simple prayer? How does your heart long for God’s love?
Let’s linger a bit with this prayer from John of the Cross. It represents my sighing prayer in poetic form. It is St. John’s heartfelt plea to lay everything down and to be enveloped fully in God’s love. I pray that you will meet God in these words:
Beloved, please remind me again and again that I am nothing.
Strip me of the consolations of my complacent spirituality.
Plunge me into the darkness where I cannot rely on any of my old tricks for maintaining my separation.
Let me give up on trying to convince myself that my own spiritual deeds are bound to be pleasing to you.
Take all my juicy spiritual feelings, Beloved, and dry them up, and then please light them on fire.
Take my lofty spiritual concepts and plunge them into darkness, and then burn them.
Let me love you, Beloved.
Let me quietly and with unutterable simplicity just love you.
Photo by Jenna Christina on Unsplash